Setup for this snippet: WIP from Heart and Soul. This is a snippet from my new 'rock star romance' that I'm working on. It's in the very early stages.
Last week : Rowan was waiting for the coffeehouse to close so Maverick could show her the apartment she's going to rent.
This is Rowan's POV.
***
Thirty minutes later, Maverick locked the front door behind the last patron and turned the sign in the window to state they were officially closed for the night. Katie donned her black and white plaid coat she had behind the bar with her purse and car keys. "Forecast says rain," she told them. "I'm looking forward to it. Welcome to the family, Rowan," she added as she headed to the back of the coffeehouse with Maverick following behind her. She couldn’t see them but she heard Maverick and Katie exchange a goodnight and a second later a soft click, which she could only assume was a door being closed.
Maverick returned and she couldn't help but notice how ruggedly handsome he was, even after working all day. His gaze met hers and for a meager few seconds, the silence seemed to take up space between them, like a barrier neither one of them could cross and if she glanced away the wall would separate them forever. She felt a moment of panic but Maverick spoke and the unsettling awkwardness disappeared.
***
Love to hear your feed back. 🙂
About Heart and Soul...
80s rock star, Haley Rose went missing without a trace on October 31 1988 and was eventually presumed dead. Three decades later, a thirty-year old woman, Rowan Beckett recalls things only Haley Rose would know and she can belt out songs in the same fashion as the missing 80s star. However, Rowan couldn't be the missing rock star since the woman would now be in her fifties. Could Haley Rose have came back reincarnated as Rowan Beckett?
14 thoughts on “The space between… Heart and Soul #8sunday #snippetsunday”
She has such intense feelings where he is concerned.
I love this line: “…the silence seemed to take up space between them, like a barrier neither one of them could cross and if she glanced away the wall would separate them forever. ”
As always, good writing, Karen!
I like this set up, but I think you can remove the word “meager” from the “few seconds” as it’s unneeded. Also when Katie says, “…Welcome to the family, Rowan,” she added as she …
I’d break the dialog out in its own paragraph and trust it to tell the reader that she’d added it by writing it this way:
“…Welcome to the family, Rowan.”
She waved as she headed to the back of the coffeehouse with Maverick.
Rowan couldn’t see them but she heard Maverick and Katie exchange a goodnight…
This breaks it up and makes it not only easier to read, but also removes any excess filler. Good snippet, Karen. 🙂
Oooo what was said?!?
Although this is a calm scene, there are still undercurrents.
If you’re wondering why you aren’t getting as many visitors as usual, the link from Snippet Sunday works, but the one from Weekend Writing Warriors doesn’t.
I’m enjoying this so much and thoroughly intrigued. I also like the way the prose flows so smoothly (yoursd always does). Terrific snippet! I echo what Ed said, my browser would NOT let me access your site from the Weekend W Warriors site but the Facebook group link worked.
Thank you so much.
Yep, I have to read more. Your tagline (logline? whatever the heck that thing is called!) is excellent.
Sorry, Karen. It was an issue with linkytools. I could open your page, but several others could not. I’ve been in touch with the ownerof linkytools, he checked into it and it seems to be fixed.
Thank you.
Such an emotional connection they have. I can just tell something is going to come of it.
Loved the way you described the moment. Great!
There is definitely something there. I wonder if they are going to figure it out. It’s so strange at the same time.
About Heart and Soul...
She has such intense feelings where he is concerned.
I love this line: “…the silence seemed to take up space between them, like a barrier neither one of them could cross and if she glanced away the wall would separate them forever. ”
As always, good writing, Karen!
I like this set up, but I think you can remove the word “meager” from the “few seconds” as it’s unneeded. Also when Katie says, “…Welcome to the family, Rowan,” she added as she …
I’d break the dialog out in its own paragraph and trust it to tell the reader that she’d added it by writing it this way:
“…Welcome to the family, Rowan.”
She waved as she headed to the back of the coffeehouse with Maverick.
Rowan couldn’t see them but she heard Maverick and Katie exchange a goodnight…
This breaks it up and makes it not only easier to read, but also removes any excess filler. Good snippet, Karen. 🙂
Oooo what was said?!?
Although this is a calm scene, there are still undercurrents.
If you’re wondering why you aren’t getting as many visitors as usual, the link from Snippet Sunday works, but the one from Weekend Writing Warriors doesn’t.
I’m enjoying this so much and thoroughly intrigued. I also like the way the prose flows so smoothly (yoursd always does). Terrific snippet! I echo what Ed said, my browser would NOT let me access your site from the Weekend W Warriors site but the Facebook group link worked.
Thank you so much.
Yep, I have to read more. Your tagline (logline? whatever the heck that thing is called!) is excellent.
Sorry, Karen. It was an issue with linkytools. I could open your page, but several others could not. I’ve been in touch with the ownerof linkytools, he checked into it and it seems to be fixed.
Thank you.
Such an emotional connection they have. I can just tell something is going to come of it.
Loved the way you described the moment. Great!
There is definitely something there. I wonder if they are going to figure it out. It’s so strange at the same time.
They are alone. yay. I can’t wait to read more.