About this snippet: Chapter Two (Cemetery Gates) Snippet #8. Check out last week's snippet from Chapter Two snippet #7 here.
Setup for this snippet: Cecilia was about to go home for the night but finds a shadowy figure waiting for her in the music room. She's ready to run from the intruder, but then the man says: "CeeCee, it's me." Her eyes narrow as she stares at the man who has taken a step closer.
Now for the snippet...
***The story is in the very early stages and has not been edited.
Tall, lean, blond and looking so much like the photos she'd seen of her father, he could step in and be Lars Gunner. Only her father – if he were still alive – would be in his forties and wouldn't look like this man who couldn't be much older than she.
"Holy mother of – she can't see me," the Lars lookalike exclaimed in apparent frustration as he ran his fingers through his long strands, making the hair fall like waves of golden silk around his face the second he released their hold.
"I can see you," she told him but as her fear quickly evaporated and anger took hold she fired off questions one after the other without taking a breath. "How in the hell did you get in here, what do you want, and how do you know my father called me CeeCee?" Then she remembered the film and the segment she watched earlier. Dear Lord, had this guy been in the house this whole time?
"I've waited so long," he said with such enthusiasm she thought he might clap his hands together in delight. "You can really see me?" he then asked as if he couldn't believe it.
What was wrong with this guy – despite the obvious that he was a criminal who'd broken into her mother's house and was impersonating her father?
Editors-I have a question: Should I separate Cecilia's questions to Lars with a question mark for each of those questions or is it okay to separate them with a comma like I did above because she's firing them off all in one breath? Love to hear your feedback.
Unofficial Blurb for End of the Road
Lars Gunner, the frontman for Silent Plaids, died 23 years ago and is trapped in limbo until his daughter, Cecilia, unearths his journal and is able to see him. His death was ruled an unfortunate accident, but he's convinced it had to be murder despite the fact he can't recall what happened in his last moments of life. Cecilia seeks the help from Kaleb, a psychic, but as they resurrect the past, the secrets and lies surrounding Lar's rock and roll life just may be the death of them too.
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34 thoughts on “A Lars Lookalike or not? End of the Road @KMNbooks #8sunday #snippetsunday”
I would separate out the questions? I would also add a question mark here: “What was wrong with this guy? Despite the obvious that he was a criminal who’d broken into her mother’s house and was impersonating her father.” And put a period at the end here. Great snippet and I so want to know how he gets her to understand who he is. But HOW did he get that way?
Siobhan,
Thanks for the info. 🙂
Let’s hope he starts answering some questions before she calls the cops (because I think this might be hard to explain to them).
P.T.,
Lol- It may be difficult at that.
I like the initial misunderstand and can’t wait to read the moment she realises “who” he really is. Love it.
Oh so the guy looks pretty solid for a ghost. I wonder if she can touch him too and why did he wait so long to appear at all.
Linda,
He appears pretty solid to her anyway. 🙂
Her response seems pretty realistic- she’s still trying for every reasonable explanation!
Christina,
We always want things to make sense and seeing her father’s ghost is not the norm. lol Thanks- glad the snippet rang true.
Fun snippet – I’m waiting for her to realize.
Aurora,
Soon. 🙂
She is going to be a tough nut for him to crack. I can’t wait to see it fall apart, and then together!
Kim,
Glad you’re intrigued to know more.
Oh this is great. Complications right away and a stranger in the house. Love it!
Charmaine,
You haven’t seen nothing yet. lol
Oh-oh, I see some conflict coming!
Elizabeth,
Of course. 🙂
I think question marks or commas both work. I get how with the commas it seems more rapid-fire.
So at this point, Cecilia assumes he’s a flesh-and-blood imposter and not a spirit. She’s pretty brave to argue with him. I’d be out of there.
AR,
Thanks for the feedback about the commas. 🙂
She’s being brave because her feet won’t cooperate and she’s edging toward the door. 🙂
Her disbelief is completely understandable, though I suspect it won’t last long.
Ed,
No, it won’t last for long.
Curious? Ghost? I’m not sure anymore.
Kim,
Either is she. lol
I can hardly wait for you to finish this one, Karen!It is SO good!
Teresa,
Thank you so much. So glad you’re intrigued. 🙂
I thought the commas were okay since you want to give the impression she’s firing questions at him in one long burst. Enjoyed the excerpt, love the idea that it’s “Dad’ come back, can’t wait for whatever comes next.
Veronica,
Thanks for the feedback with the commas. So glad you’re enjoying the snippet too.
I love this meeting and can’t wait to read more!
Amy,
Thank you.
I vote for separating the questions with their proper punctuation. 🙂
This makes me think he’s been trying to communicate for a while without success. Hope he convinces her, because I bet no one else can see this ‘impersonator!’
Caitlin,
Thanks so much for the input about the punctuation.
You are right about him trying to communicate for a while. 🙂
Someone is in denial. I can understand it, though. Yay. She gets to meet her father. 🙂 🙂
Jennifer,
I would definitely be in denial. lol
I agree about separating the questions. I can imagine her pelting him with one question after another. I like the hint that he’s been trying to contact her. Can’t wait until she realizes who he is.
I would separate out the questions? I would also add a question mark here: “What was wrong with this guy? Despite the obvious that he was a criminal who’d broken into her mother’s house and was impersonating her father.” And put a period at the end here. Great snippet and I so want to know how he gets her to understand who he is. But HOW did he get that way?
Siobhan,
Thanks for the info. 🙂
Let’s hope he starts answering some questions before she calls the cops (because I think this might be hard to explain to them).
P.T.,
Lol- It may be difficult at that.
I like the initial misunderstand and can’t wait to read the moment she realises “who” he really is. Love it.
Oh so the guy looks pretty solid for a ghost. I wonder if she can touch him too and why did he wait so long to appear at all.
Linda,
He appears pretty solid to her anyway. 🙂
Her response seems pretty realistic- she’s still trying for every reasonable explanation!
Christina,
We always want things to make sense and seeing her father’s ghost is not the norm. lol Thanks- glad the snippet rang true.
Fun snippet – I’m waiting for her to realize.
Aurora,
Soon. 🙂
She is going to be a tough nut for him to crack. I can’t wait to see it fall apart, and then together!
Kim,
Glad you’re intrigued to know more.
Oh this is great. Complications right away and a stranger in the house. Love it!
Charmaine,
You haven’t seen nothing yet. lol
Oh-oh, I see some conflict coming!
Elizabeth,
Of course. 🙂
I think question marks or commas both work. I get how with the commas it seems more rapid-fire.
So at this point, Cecilia assumes he’s a flesh-and-blood imposter and not a spirit. She’s pretty brave to argue with him. I’d be out of there.
AR,
Thanks for the feedback about the commas. 🙂
She’s being brave because her feet won’t cooperate and she’s edging toward the door. 🙂
Her disbelief is completely understandable, though I suspect it won’t last long.
Ed,
No, it won’t last for long.
Curious? Ghost? I’m not sure anymore.
Kim,
Either is she. lol
I can hardly wait for you to finish this one, Karen!It is SO good!
Teresa,
Thank you so much. So glad you’re intrigued. 🙂
I thought the commas were okay since you want to give the impression she’s firing questions at him in one long burst. Enjoyed the excerpt, love the idea that it’s “Dad’ come back, can’t wait for whatever comes next.
Veronica,
Thanks for the feedback with the commas. So glad you’re enjoying the snippet too.
I love this meeting and can’t wait to read more!
Amy,
Thank you.
I vote for separating the questions with their proper punctuation. 🙂
This makes me think he’s been trying to communicate for a while without success. Hope he convinces her, because I bet no one else can see this ‘impersonator!’
Caitlin,
Thanks so much for the input about the punctuation.
You are right about him trying to communicate for a while. 🙂
Someone is in denial. I can understand it, though. Yay. She gets to meet her father. 🙂 🙂
Jennifer,
I would definitely be in denial. lol
I agree about separating the questions. I can imagine her pelting him with one question after another. I like the hint that he’s been trying to contact her. Can’t wait until she realizes who he is.